One Shot
by ilovetvalot
Summary: One shot can change everything. I don't own Criminal Minds. Co-Authored with Tonnie2001969


Author's Note: Everyone needs to send Tonnie2001969 a huge thank you for all of the awesome plots, ideas, and outlines she sends me. I swear, this woman keeps me writing and sane. As ever, I don't own Criminal Minds.

One Shot

As JJ stood staring down the alley of the enclosed shooting range on the bottom floor of the Federal Building, she slowly counted to ten in her head. Today, no man was safe. Today, God could quite literally wipe out the XY chromosome combination and she would dance a happy jig. Today, Jennifer Rossi could quite happily annihilate all men - and enjoy the process.

Normally, a coolly calm professional individual in charge of her emotions, today was an anomaly. Today, Jennifer Rossi felt like the proverbial rug had been ripped from beneath her feet and she had fallen ungraciously on her shapely ass. Today was a bad day, made worse by every individual containing the tiniest amount of testosterone in his body.

Staring at her target down the range, JJ muttered a muffled curse. She had emptied three clips into the hanging male silhouette, and, so far, not even come close to the bulls-eye that she was such an expert at making. Ask anyone? She was one of the best shots in the building. Until now. Until the point where every blessed male she knew and cared about had caused her to lose her steady balance in a precariously shifting world.

As she pressed the button, allowing the paper target to fly toward her outstretched hand, she grimaced. Not even close to the perfection she had grown accustomed to in her life. Snatching it off the clip with a curled lip and crushing it in one tiny fist, she immediately grabbed another from the stack and attached it. Damn it! This one would be perfect!

Depressing the button to allow the target to fly back into its original position, JJ reloaded a clip into her Glock methodically, replaced her earplugs and adjusted the Kevlar vest around her waist. The vest that she was going to have to become very used to for the next nine months. It was a damn rule for the shooting gallery. Expectant mothers wore Kevlar vests. It was probably some asinine rule made up by yet another blithering idiot man! Of that, Jennifer Rose Jareau Rossi had absolutely NO doubt.

Lining her sights carefully, JJ drew a deep breath and did her level best to empty her mind of all the turbulent thoughts of the morning. Aiming her gun and emptying the clip, JJ focused on the target flying back in her direction as she pressed that little red button again. Screaming loudly and uncharacteristically stomping one tiny foot, JJ tried to regain her lost control as she realized that once again, she'd totally missed that elusive bulls-eye once again.

Turning to jerk another target from the stack to her side, she froze as she heard her name called. Even through her ear protection, she recognized the coldly authoritative voice of her Unit Chief, Aaron Hotchner.

"Damn it!" she mumbled. "How in the hell did those three idiots manage to find her?" she wondered to herself. Looking at Aaron Hotchner, Dr. Spencer Reid, and Derek Morgan striding toward her, JJ felt the muscles in her neck clench. Damn men! They just didn't know when the hell to leave a woman alone! She was in no mood for whatever the current crisis that she needed to avert was and was fully prepared to let all three men know that.

Jerking a target from the stack to her side, she quickly affixed it to the target and sent it flying back down the lane. As she felt the three men stop behind her, she said clearly and loudly, "Whatever it is…I don't care. Go. Away. I'm on a break!"

Jennifer Rossi hadn't wanted to be found. She wanted to remain anonymous until she could somehow find some kind of balance to the emotions assailing her body. But, oh, no! Larry, Moe and Curly were currently surrounding her from behind.

Jerking around, JJ asked, looking at Spencer, "Have you all suddenly gone deaf? I'm on a break here! What in the hell is so damn important that you couldn't approach me in my office like normal co-workers?"

"Uhhh, well, Jayje, we needed a small favor," Spencer stuttered, completely unaccustomed to the glacier-like tone JJ was using with them. The largest blowtorch in the free world couldn't melt the ice dripping from her words.

"Well, now, why doesn't that surprise me? Three men NEEDING something from a woman! Big shocker! What the hell do you WANT?" she snarled, shifting her Glock to her other hand, her shooting hand.

Glaring at the three men lined up behind her, she looked at each of them. "Well?" she asked impatiently.

All three noticeably uncomfortable with the new change that had come over their poised and coolly professional media analyst, Hotch nudged Reid with his shoulder, eyes never wavering from the gun in JJ's hand.

Gulping quickly, Reid quickly said, "It's a quick question. Really!"

"Then get to it!" JJ snapped.

"Ummm, well do you remember the name of that local sheriff we worked with in Cincinatti last week. I need it to complete a form and I've forgotten the name. None of the other guys could remember it either and Hotch thought if anyone would remember it would be you. You always seem to pay attention to the details," Reid stated, stumbling over his words.

Narrowing her eyes at the nervous man in front of her, JJ took a threatening step toward the younger man, shifting her gun from hand to hand. "Is that ALL you've forgotten about Spence? Is that the only thing that has managed to slip that genius level mind of yours?" JJ sneered.

"Uhh, JJ, I don't know," Spence began, eyes widening like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi.

"Maybe somewhere you were supposed to be last night? Somewhere quite important?" JJ seethed, advancing slowly on the young man.

"JJ, look, I'm really not sure what you're talking about! Was I supposed to give a seminar or do another one of those interviews again. If I was, I'm really, really sorry…" Spencer began quickly.

"Seminar. Interview!" JJ spat. "No, Spence, it wasn't either of those things." Rolling her eyes at the resident "genius" in front of her, she idly pointed her gun at Spence as she growled, "No, Professor, that wasn't it! Can you honestly tell me that you forgot about the date I set you up on with Belinda, our new girl down in payroll. You were supposed to meet her for drinks at Gino's at seven last night! Honestly, Spencer, I worked for seventeen endless days on that girl…selling your FINER points and sterling characteristics! SEVENTEEN DAYS! I swear to God, I must have been insane to think you'd actually show up without me having to take you by your little hand and lead you to her! ALL I wanted to do was help you out and maybe, HOPEFULLY meet Ms. Right. Or at the bare minimum, Ms Right Now! But, NO! Not you! You couldn't follow simple instructions. Damn it, Spencer! Do you not realize that that woman very probably could have rocked your damn world!"

Through JJ's long diatribe, Spencer had repeatedly opened his mouth to try to interject, but JJ had barreled forward. A steamroller would not have stopped the woman! At this point, however, he could do little more than hang his mouth open and gape like a fish out of water.

"That's it? You aren't going to even TRY to say something?" JJ screeched.

Dryly Hotch said, "I believe our young Dr. Reid has been attempting to get a word in but you seemed fairly insistent on finishing your train of though, JJ."

"YOU? YOU want a part of this?" JJ asked incredulously. Twirling her Glock in her tiny hands, JJ nodded, "I'll give you this much, Hotchner, you've got balls!"

"Excuse me?" Hotch asked, shocked. NEVER had he EVER heard Jennifer Jareau Rossi ever speak to anyone like this, let alone him!

"So smug. So snide," JJ yelled, glaring at her boss. "I don't give a damn if you are my so-called boss, Aaron Hotchner. I want you to know that I think you are a cold-hearted prize BASTARD!"

"Where the hell is this coming from?" Hotch asked the small blonde woman in front of him that still had her gun aimed at himself and two of his co-workers. Was it possible their trusty, reliable media analyst had cracked. And, where in the name of all that was holy was her husband, he thought desperately.

"Well I'll tell you, you world class son of a BITCH, if you think you can handle it! How could you tell that beautiful, perfect woman that you call the love of your life that you didn't want any more children? How could you DO that to Emily?" JJ screeched. "Can you not see that woman is literally dying to have a child…your child, you moron! Haven't you watched her with your own son! Or are you blind, as well as dumb?"

Edging closer to Morgan while JJ's attention was focused on Hotch, Reid whispered, "Do you think she's got a full clip in that thing, Morgan?"

"Shit, man, with Jayje, it's anybody's guess?" Never taking his eyes off the little blonde he loved like a sister, "With our girl here, it could go either way."

Holding up his hands in surrender as JJ waved her gun at his mid-section, Hotch spoke slowly, "Hey, hey! Slow down there! What are you talking about? Not that this is any of your concern, but I've never once told Emily that I didn't want any other children. So wherever you got your so-called information…"

"Are you calling your long-standing girlfriend a liar, you sanctimonious son of a bitch?" JJ asked acidly.

"Of course not!" Hotch blustered.

"Then did you or did you not tell Emily Prentiss that your son is MORE than enough for you?" JJ asked with hardening eyes and an advancing step in his direction.

Cocking his dark head at her, Hotch replied, "I might have said those words, but that's a figure of speech JJ! And how in the world did Emily even hear or know that I'd said that?"

Waving her gun at the three men in general, JJ smiled bitterly as she asked, "Now isn't that just something? You men can be so cold and callous that you don't even realize when you say something DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE WOMAN YOU LOVE! You said it in front of her, Hotch! Two days ago! Why do you think she's been so standoffish with you? She's afraid to invest any more time with someone who evidently doesn't want the same things she does! You people don't even realize when you hurt the women you claim to love! Morons! The lot of you!"

"I didn't mean it, JJ," Hotch mumbled. "I didn't even realize…"

"Of course not! Men think about themselves! It's what you do. You've all bloody well made it into a goddamn art form!" JJ yelled, noticing Derek Morgan inching away from the group.

"Where the hell are you going, Morgan? Get your ass back over here and face the music like a man just like the other two have," JJ said, gesturing at him with the gun.

"Now, Little Sister…" Derek began.

"Shut. Up. I've got a few things to say to you, too!" JJ rapped out.

Looking warily around, Morgan retrained his eyes on the little blonde fireball in front of him. "JJ, Sis, I feel like we've all missed something here."

"That's not the only thing you've MISSED, Derek Morgan! You, jackass, may have MISSED THE BOAT! You have managed to MISS the best, truest, most beautiful woman that God ever put on this earth! Honestly, Morgan, what the hell? For somebody that fancies himself the ladies man, "The Playa", you have got to be the MOST dense man I have ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on!"

Throwing up his hands as JJ waved the gun again, Morgan stumbled backwards against the concrete wall. "Whoa, there! I come in peace. Remember, I'm a lover not a fighter by nature, sis! Put down your weapon, girl. We come in peace. JJ, you don't want to hurt anyone!" Morgan calmly consoled.

"Well aren't you just the fine one to talk about not hurting other people?" JJ asked snidely. "You aren't worthy of that wonderful woman anyway! So, for the life of me, I can't figure out why it upsets me so much!"

"What woman, JJ?" Morgan asked, shaking his head from side to side, desperately trying to understand the ramblings of the woman in front of him.

Stalking purposely toward him, JJ cracked out two words. "Penelope. Garcia."

"What?" Morgan asked.

"Sound like a familiar name, Morgan?" JJ asked as she tilted her head with narrowed eyes. "You truly are a blind, stupid shell of a so-called man!"

It was at that exact moment that all four gathered individuals heard the metal door open and close quickly again. All heads turning to see who the latest addition to the party was, all three of the MEN breathed a sigh of relief. David Rossi. Ha! Jennifer Rossi was now officially somebody else's problem. And none of them had a bullet hole in their body!

"Oh thank God," Reid murmured with a sigh of relief. "Maybe he can figure out what's going on. He's married to her!"

"Shit! Anybody but him!" JJ snapped.

"It was a nice thought while it lasted, kid," Morgan whispered, tilting his head toward Reid.

Glancing at his wife carefully, Rossi slowly approached. "Hey, sweetheart!" he called. As he reached the gathered group, he looked from man to man. Eyes meeting his wife's, Dave calmly asked, "Wanna tell me if there's any particular reason you're holding the majority of our team hostage when it's lunch time?"

"Now is not the time for any of your little jokes, Rossi," JJ spat, showing him her anger with the use of his last name. The only time she last named him anymore were in times of extreme stress or anger. To David Rossi's trained eyes, this appeared to be a time of both. The situation was definitely delicate. And, to be sure, must be handled with care. His angel was most definitely agitated with something or someone. Now, he just had to figure out which one of the three nimrods in front of him had caused the situation and deescalate the situation.

Keeping his eyes firmly trained on his beautiful albeit furious wife, David said, "Honey, what seems to be the problem here? Penelope said you'd come down here to blow off a little steam before lunch. I wanted to see if you wanted to grab lunch with me."

"Dave, I believe you might be a primary source of JJ's current state of agitation," Hotch murmured.

"Gee, Hotch, ya think?" JJ said sarcastically.

"Is that true, babe?" Dave asked, obviously confused.

"Is that true?" JJ mimicked. "You might say that Agent Rossi. You just might! As for lunch, the answer is NO! In fact, I no longer wish to accompany you anywhere - AT ALL!"

Sidling up between Hotch and Morgan, David steadily said, "JJ, let me help. I can fix whatever's wrong, babe. All you have to do is tell me what's goin' on."

Pissed beyond belief, JJ glared at her husband. "David Rossi, you can't even remember to pick up our dog from the vet's office and you think you can fix THIS?"

"This is about you forgetting your hellhound, man?" Morgan grumbled. "I may have to kick your ass for this Rossi!"

Shrugging his shoulders negligently and biting back a laugh, David muttered back, "Shit if I know, man!"

Glaring across the floor at her allegedly loving husband, JJ waved the gun in his direction. "Are you actually thinking about laughing! I mean, I can see you SMILING like an idiot, but laughing, Dave? I ASSURE you that this is no laughing matter!"

"Look, baby, I'm sorry I forgot about Mudgie. I promise that I'll go pick her up right after work…" David began.

"Screw that! He can have the rest of the day off to go get the dog!" Hotch interjected.

"THIS IS NOT ABOUT OUR DOG, YOU STUPID IDIOT!" JJ screamed.

"Then what is it?!" David exclaimed.

"Do you notice anything different about me?" JJ asked in a hard, cold voice.

All four men looked at the woman standing in front of them. Took in her glazed look, her disheveled hair. But it was Reid, poor innocent Reid, that saw it first. Not surprising, really. He was, after all, the genius.

"Kevlar," he whispered.

"What?" asked Rossi out the side of his mouth!

"Kevlar, Kevlar, Kevlar!" Reid whispered frantically.

And comprehension dawned in David Rossi's eyes as Jennifer Rossi asked, "Did you think it was a new fashion statement I was trying to make here, Rossi? This thing is heavy!" she said, picking at the vest.

All four men knew protocol. They knew rules. And they knew the one reason a woman was forced to wear a Kevlar vest at the FBI's shooting range. PREGNANCY!

"You're pregnant," David whispered, moving to take a step forward.

Seeing the look in Jennifer Rossi's eyes, Hotch grabbed Dave's arm before he could take the first step.

"Is it true, Jennifer? Are you really giving me a baby?" Dave asked in shock.

Glaring at the man she loved with widened hysterical eyes, JJ spat, "I am NOT talking to you, right now. I may not be talking to you again, EVER!"

Trying to take another step toward his wife despite Hotch's restraining hand, he heard Hotch's sage words of wisdom. "Listen, Dave. I've been here and done this, man! Do not approach that woman without some form of sacrifice!"

Out the side of his mouth, Dave asked, "What the hell do you expect, man?"

"How bout your balls on a plate with a side of penis," Morgan suggested on a mutter.

"Rossi, you need to duck! Your wife is known as one of the best, if not THE best shot in the FBI," Reid advised quietly.

Stalking back and forth in front of the collected group of men, JJ spoke softly to herself. "I can't believe this! I can't believe this is happening!"

"Sweetie, are we sure about this?" Dave asked in what he hoped was not a too hopeful tone.

"Damn you, David Rossi! Do you think I'd leave anything to chance here! Me? Little Miss Be Prepared? I spent the entire damn morning in the doctor's office trying to convince that man he was WRONG! I thought it was a stomach virus. I was prepared for a stomach virus! I was even willing to settle for an ulcer. But, alas, NO! It was your sneaky little swimmers that got me in this condition!" Swinging around to face her husband while glaring daggers at him, she hissed, "This is ALL your fault!"

"Crap, man! My momma always said that happy momma's make happy babies! Get your ass in their and make your woman happy!" Morgan said quickly, shoving Rossi toward JJ.

Raising both his hands in the air, David said firmly, "Jennifer, baby, you need to give me your gun and we need to go upstairs to my office and talk about this calmly!"

Smirking, JJ waved the gun at him again. "Oh, Rossi, I think the time for talk has definitely passed. Long story short…you've talked just a little too much about wanting this miracle…how much you wanted us to have a baby! About how you and your PRECIOUS swimmers weren't getting any younger! Well, apparently, you and they weren't quite as old as you originally thought. Because your boys and my girls got together and had one HELL of a party! Now, because of you and those damn swimmers, in seven and a half months, we are going to be proud parents! OF TWINS!!" she screeched.

Stopping suddenly, David stared at Jennifer. "Baby, I don't think I heard you right because it sounded like you just said that you were having not just one baby for me…but two."

"Oh, you heard me just FINE, you son of a bitch! In seven and a half months, you are going to be raising not one, but TWO infants! Two innocent little lives that I am in no shape, form, or fashion ready for!"

Shaking off his cloud of shock, David lowered his eyes to where JJ's finger rested on the trigger of the lowered gun. "JJ, honey, you're clenching, sweetheart. And, you're acting like you're going to fire your weapon, babe," Dave said calmly. "You need to let go of the gun and then you and I are going home for the day to talk so you can tell me the entire story."

Five individuals flinched simultaneously as the gun loudly fired.

Screaming in a voice that could only be described as a young hysterical girl, Reid immediately began to jump up and down in place, pointing at Rossi's foot, screeching, "You shot him! You really, really shot him!"

Immediately moving forward, Hotch wrapped his large hand around JJ's shaking fragile fingers and viewing her stunned pale face. "Give me the gun, JJ," he said in a calm sure tone. "Dave will be fine. It was an accident."

Rossi stared down in shock at the hole in the side of his six hundred dollar Italian loafer and felt the searing pain in the side of his foot. But that was the least of his concerns. Raising his dark concerned eyes to meet JJ's painfully pale face, he asked, "Honey, are you okay?"

"I just shot my husband in the foot! I just shot my husband," she declared in a breathless voice.

"Sweetheart, I'm fine. It's minor," he said, reaching out to take her cold hand in his.

"I didn't mean to. It wasn't on purpose!" JJ said, tears beginning to stream down her wan cheeks.

Pulling her small body to him, David wrapped his arms around her trembling body as he murmured, "Of course, you didn't, honey. It was a simple accident!" Dave said calmly, looking meaningfully around the room at the other three men.

"JJ, it's okay, little sister," Morgan consoled.

"An accident," Reid said weakly.

In his ever confident manner, Hotch steadily stated, "Right now, we need to get both of you upstairs. Dave, do you think you can walk?"

"Oh, God!" JJ wailed in her husband's arms.

Glaring at Hotch for the obvious distress he'd caused his now expectant wife, he snapped, "Yes, I can walk! Shit, it's a flesh wound!" Looking down at his shaking wife, he said more softly, "Just a simple little flesh wound that could have happened to anyone." Taking her gun from Hotch so that his fingerprints would be firmly on the weapon, David looked at the other men as he meaningfully said, "Hell, I could have done it to myself."

"Sounds like something you'd do to me," Morgan agreed.

"Me, too," Reid sputtered.

"Works for me," Hotch stated.

Pulling his wife more firmly into his arms, he cupped her face with one hand. "You're really pregnant with my babies? Twins?" David asked in awe.

Nodding through her tears, JJ whispered, "I guess at least one of us can hit what they aim at."

Kissing her gently through his own tears, David murmured, "Yep, honey! I sure the hell can. I love you Jennifer Rossi. Let's go home."

Offering a watery laugh, JJ shook her head. "We'll need to make a quick stop at the ER, I'm afraid."

"No problem, baby…Ten minute bandage job, tops," Rossi assured her.

****

Three hours later, cuddled to her husband's side on their oversized leather couch at the cabin at Little Creek, JJ whispered for the fortieth time, "I'm so sorry, Dave."

"Once again, sweetheart, you were in shock. My foot's fine. I'm fine. The only real casualty was the shoe. I'd say we won on this one," Dave replied, squeezing her to him. "The only real questions I have are about you and my children. Are you okay? Physically?"

"Physically…perfect. Absolutely normal looking twin pregnancy. Mentally, I feel a little unstable. I mean, I was just getting used to the idea of having one baby. Potentially…in the future. I throw up for four mornings in a row…convince myself I have a bug…go to the doctor….argue that I'm on the pill…that there isn't any way that I, the punctual, faithful little pill taker could be with child and then he dumps some jelly on my belly…sticks an alien probe on top and tells me that I'm giving birth to twins in less than eight months. I'm thinking of suing that damn pharmaceutical company. The pill LIES!" JJ griped.

Turning slightly to look at his wife in the face carefully, Dave asked in a low voice, "Do you want them, JJ?"

Shocked, JJ looked up at the man she'd called her husband for over a year. Whispering, JJ replied, "Of course, I WANT them. I could NEVER not want them. Their OURS! But I'm shocked and I'm scared and I'm overwhelmed."

"I'm here, babe," Dave told her, taking her hand gently.

"I know," JJ said, smiling slightly. "If you weren't, I'd really be up a creek. It would be an immaculate conception."

Grinning at her joke, David spoke softly. "Funny girl. But you know that's not what I meant."

"I KNOW what you meant, Dave. I'm happy. I am. But, I still get to be shocked." Drawing his hand to her already slightly swollen belly, she whispered, "There are two of them in there!"

Grinning, David stared at his wife as he smugly said, "You always told me that I never did anything by half." Nodding at her belly, David smiled, "There's your proof, angel face."

Picking up the couch cushion beside her, JJ firmly smacked him in the face with it.

"Hey!" Dave said, indignantly.

"That's what you get!" JJ laughed.

"Well," Dave said balefully, "at least it wasn't a bullet this time."

"Shut up!" JJ said, allowing herself to be pulled into her husband's arms that she knew from this day forward would not only protect her from harm…but their children as well.

THE END


End file.
